ATB’s Top 25 Pokemon: (9) Blastoise

blastoise

This is At the Buzzer’s list of the top 25 Pokemon of all-time. We’re in the serious business zone now, counting down one by one through the top 10 until we reach the very best. For more information, click here or check out the Related Links down at the bottom of the post. Don’t forget to vote on how we did in the poll below!

Today’s Pokemon has spouts extending from its shell at the top. They spray water like cannons, hard enough to pierce concrete walls. It deliberately makes itself heavy so it can withstand the recoil of the water jets it fires. It crushes its foe under its heavy body to cause fainting. In a pinch, it will withdraw inside its shell.

9) Blastoise (4 votes, 182 points)

Chris: So there was this one time when Ash and Brock and Misty traveled to a mysterious beachside area where a whole bunch of Squirtles and a Blastoise seemed to be dead. They arrived there to check it out, then promptly passed out. Was this the sign of an epidemic sweeping our land? Nope, it was just that damn Jigglypuff, who got stuck in Blastoise’s cannons. So there you go. Mystery solved.

Blastoise is another of those evolutions where I like to imagine it adapted to its environment by becoming more vicious. Sure, it’s fun to flip a Squirtle on its back and watch it squirm, but eventually Squirtle loses its temper. It fights back as a Wartortle, but it wants blood/revenge, so it sprouts CANNONS ON ITS BACK to destroy you with water.

Even Mega Blastoise continues down this road — it adds a third cannon and some additional armored shell plating for even more havoc. And I’m strangely okay with that.

Depending on your point of view, Blastoise either had an advantage or a deficit as the only Gen I starter without a second type. Venusaur was saddled with Poison from jump street; Charizard took to the skies in its final stage. Blastoise just rocked Water from the word go, and that meant he only had two weaknesses to go with his strong defenses. He was a winner. Just don’t try to make him wear sunglasses, or you’re getting some cannons full of liquid in your face.

Shaun: Blastoise. Charizard’s forgotten, twisted, bastard brother.

Not that he’s not cool. He is. His cannons were legit, albeit confusing to my young mind due to the combination of organic and synthetic, and his defense was monstrous. But when you’re a starter in Gen I, you’re either Charizard, or you’re not. Blastoise was not.

Now, maybe I’m just being bitter. Maybe I actually think Blastoise is hella cool, but maybe my friend chose Blastoise as his starter, so maybe every time we battled his Blastoise killed my Charizard and he maybe rubbed it in my face. So maybe I’m a little bias. Maybe.

But, if I were to look through my lens of hatred, I might be able to see that Blastoise has a lot going for it, both on the exterior and under the hood. The guy is a beast, and I feel like could survive a nuclear attack. And while his cannons confused me, they were pretty cool. If you think of the conclusion of The Avengers, but supplant Hulk with Blastoise, I think the Avengers fare just as well. Maybe better.

Unfortunately, I can’t take off the lenses, so I hate Blastoise. Burn in hell, you stupid, beautiful thing. I love you.

Nick: This was a nostalgia pick for me. My 12-year-old self leveled this guy up like TPP leveled up Bird Jesus (Pidgeot) and Battery Jesus (Zapdos).  He carried me all the way through the game.

Jason: This guy single-handedly sold me on Pokemon Blue back when I was a kid. A giant turtle with cannons on its shoulders?! Sick! Of course I later found out that those cannons only shot water and not cannonballs and was admittedly a little disappointed. But Blastoise has still got the magic. Plus it helps that he evolves from Squirtle, who everybody knows has got the magic.

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RELATED LINKS

(10) Lugia

(11) Charizard

(12) Scizor

(13) Latios

(14) Articuno

(15) Cubone

(16) Snorlax

(17) Starmie

(18) Pikachu

(19) Torchic

(20) Garchomp

(21) Lapras

(22) Dragonair

(23) Swampert

(24) Voltorb

(25) Butterfree

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Honorable Mention

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