In 1999, Eifel 65 released the greatest workout song known to mankind.
With an addictive-as-crack-cocaine electronic flourish and seemingly innocuous lyrics that cut like hot steel to the core of humanity, Eifel 65’s I’m Blue defined a generation. He’s blue. His house is blue. His girlfriend is blue. And so is the socio-economic climate of our culture.
If you work out to Eifel 65’s I’m Blue, science has proven you will last longer, lift harder, and channel a deeper endurance than you have ever known. It’s like Viagra for your body. Which, ironically, is blue. Now you see the layers of this song.
Eifel 65 never released another song as popular as Eifel 65’s I’m Blue. As far as I know, they never released another song, period. They didn’t have to. Eifel 65’s I’m Blue will pay them royalties for the rest of their lives. Royalties of the heart. Which most people agree is way better than money.
Once, when I was young, I listened to Eifel 65’s I’m Blue on repeat for seven hours while playing Tony Hawk 2. I don’t remember a lot about that night, but when I came to my senses in the morning, I realized I had set every Tony Hawk record ever, upon which my PlayStation exploded because it could not handle the high scores and sheer amount of 720s.
If Eifel 65 held a concert, where all they did was lip-sync badly and dance awkwardly to Eifel 65’s I’m Blue on repeat for three hours, I would sell out the stadium myself by buying every ticket on sale, and then burn them in huge bonfire outside my house while playing Eifel 65’s I’m Blue so that I’m the only one who could witness the majesty of their show.
If Eifel 65 changed their name to Eifel 66 and released a follow-up song call Eifel 66’s I’m Red, I would sent a legion of falcons to hunt them, because it wouldn’t be Eifel 65’s I’m Blue, and therefore, it would be s***, and f*** them.
“Yo listen up, here’s a story, about a little guy who lives in a BLUE WORLD.”
Admit it; even just reading the first line of the song caused your heart to palpitate and your brow to form a few droplets of sweat. You already want to work out. Probably lift. And that’s why Eifel 65’s I’m Blue is the best song for every situation ever.
Graduation? Eifel 65’s I’m Blue. Hanukah? Eifel 65’s I’m Blue. Funeral wake? Kansas’ Dust in the Wind, followed promptly by Eifel 65’s I’m Blue.
Do I care that I spelled the name of their band wrong this entire time? No. Play me out, lyrics.