Wreck-It-Ralph Delta Team: Snake’s Heroes
When Jason’s A-Team tries but fails to save the day, there’s only one group who can get the job done. They’re a bunch of loose cannons, but when your back is against the wall, they’re the only hope you’ve got.
Snake’s Heroes: The Delta Team.
Following the same rules outlined in Jason’s first article, which more or less follow the laws established in Wreck-It-Ralph, I will describe each member of this team of elite video game soldiers.
Solid Snake (MGS 4)
Title: Team lead, sneaky old man
So this one’s sort of cheating; Solid Snake, despite his infamy for “solo” sneaking missions, never actually works alone – he has a team of individuals that back him up remotely (and in Raiden’s case, not so remotely). In fact, in order to save Snake’s ass, Sunny, a five year old girl, actually rewrote an AI that was in control of the United States. So there’s that.
It’s important to realize, however, that Snake himself is still as formidable as ever. Even as an old man, he destroyed handfuls of walking cow Metal Gears, made an immortal vampire mortal, slaughtered a bunch of freaky, sexy cyborg’s that killed legions of lesser men in seconds, and again saved the world from tyranny and chaos. He also crawled through a mile of tunnel while microwaves fried his body. Snake is hardcore. He knows how to deal with the sort of rampant AI he’ll be force to face here, and he’s a grizzled war veteran who knows how to lead a team of expert individuals. When the going gets tough, the tough get Solid Snake.
Weapons of choice
Rocket launcher, cardboard box, Raiden’s cyborg body
Ryu Hayabusa (Ninja Gaiden)
Title: Point-man, Human Armageddon
Snake is going to need a point-man in this dangerous mission, a Tom Cruise to his Mission: Impossible. That’s where Ryu comes in. This ninja has to have one of the highest body counts in gaming history. Ninjas, demons, doesn’t matter; they just don’t f***ing get it. Ryu just killed 1,000 of you. At once. He doesn’t look tired at all. And yet you insist on running in. Maybe you’ll get lucky.
Ryu’s the biggest natural disaster to hit the Vigoor Empire in history. He’s like what everyone keeps fearing the Bird Flu outbreak will be like, except there’s a zero percent chance of survival with Ryu, and your head won’t be there anymore. But that’s also why there is no one better to have in your corner.
Ryu’s fighting prowess is second to none. The guy can walk on water, wall jump for infinity, and has powerful ninpo spells at his disposal that rip through the angels of heaven themselves (seriously). He’s blindingly fast, proficient with every type of weapon, and has been to hell and back. Plus, not being able to respawn outside of his game world isn’t a problem; Ryu has already been dead and reincarnated in canon. You can’t keep a good ninja down.
Weapons of choice
Sword, ninpo, his lust for your blood
Big Daddy (BioShock 2)
Title: The heavy lifter, Bryan Mills meets Terminator
Step one: Tell this Big Daddy that the virus kidnapped his daughter.
Step two: Watch him lay waste to everything in sight.
While fans would agree this Big Daddy got off to a slow start in BioShock 2, by the end of the game, his power is undeniable. Between his melee drill and multitude of plasmid powers, Big Daddy slaughters everything in his path on the way to his daughter. While Snake is sneaking into the heart of the virus’ base and Ryu is fighting off the huge-ass demons guarding the gates, you need someone to take out the legion of foot soldiers single-handed. This is Big Daddy’s specialty – chaos incarnate, a tornado of brute force and fire, stopping at nothing to get what he wants. He will find you, and he will put his drill through your sternum.
Weapons of choice
Melee drill, plasmids, pent-up rage
Link (Majora’s Mask)
Title: The well-rounded ringer, Hero of Time
In every good team, there is a glue guy. This all-important member is great because he specializes in so many different things that he can effectively cover any of the teams’ deficiencies, or even fill in when need be. Solid Snake passes out from FOXDIE? Link can rely on his years of intense puzzle solving to step in and lead the group tactically. The warriors on the front line need a breather? Link can wield his deity magic, fire rod, and Master Sword to lay waste to any challengers.
While any Link would do the trick, the Hero of Time, and more specifically, the Link from Majora’s Mask, is the one I’m going with here. This Link has all the experience from Ocarina of Time already under his belt (dual timeline theory FTW), but can also wield the razor sword, and has a boatload of ability augmenting masks at his disposal to fit any circumstance. And let’s not forget this Link has sole custody of the Fierce Deity form. That alone can win just about any war ever.
Link is the time tested hero of destiny, emerging time and time again through the ages to save the world from total devastation. And, as icing on the cake, he’s a mean musician.
Weapons of choice
Master Sword, hookshot, Navi (pffff)
Secondary teams – Honorable mentions
Below are the honorable mention teams, submitted by my sister and Tech Guy. These teams are still in training, and while they have yet to take on the big mission, they demonstrate impressive potential.
Sister’s team – Relentless Assault
Riku (Kingdom Hearts 2)
Keyblade wielder and all around badass. He can fight with a blindfold, does anything for his friends, and as of Dream Drop Distance, has attained the rank of Master, something Sora himself has not yet achieved.
Sherry (Resident Evil 6)
If this choice seems odd to you, you haven’t played Resident Evil 6. If this virus has any sort of appendage resembling a head, it’s game over. This woman never does NOT get headshots.
Midna (Twilight Princess)
The best side character in all of Zelda (it sure as hell isn’t Fi), Midna can keep entire armadas at bay with her magic hair. Plus, she’s queen of an entire realm, so she knows a thing or two about leadership.
Sveta – (Golden Sun: Dark Dawn)
Characters in Golden Sun are always powerhouses, and Sveta is the brawler and healer of this impressive group. Bandaging up fellow soldiers will plan an important role in the battle against the super virus.
This team relies on a strong front line: Riku, Sherry, and Midna attack with reckless abandon, while Sveta heals them and handles any stragglers who get past the line.
Tech guys team – Synergy
Gojeta – (Some Dragonball Z videogame)
That’s right – the most powerful being in history of any medium is front-lining tech guys team. Can’t really fault him, either. Sure, the brief amount of time Gogeta, the fusion between Goku and Vegeta, can actually stay fused together is limited…but how much time does it take for this guy to decimate pretty much anything? If you’re going to tell me that the virus is a bunch of Kid Buus or something…then we’re all in trouble.
Dr. Robotnic – (Sonic The Hedgehog 2)
Robotnic is evil, but he’s smart enough to know that if this virus wins, everyone loses. He begrudgingly serves as the tech guy (!) on this team, a sort of Q figure that equips the others with gadgets and gear to augment their abilities in combat. Additionally, his army of kittens-turned-robots, while sad, is a force in and of itself.
Link (Four Swords Adventures)
While Link is always a good choice and can hold his own in combat or tackle whatever the virus throws at him, this one is particularly devastating in this team. Find out why below…
Sora (Kingdom Hearts 2)
He who killed a thousand heartless. In one five minute fight. By himself.
Tech guy’s team relies heavily on team work and synchronicity between members, to highlight and complement their strengths. The good doctor constructs weapons and gear to help the team, and can adapt to any situation; the problem in Sonic was he invented AND tried to use the inventions. A good director is rarely also a good actor.
However, the linchpin of the team is Link, and more specifically, his Four Sword.
- Links gives the sword to Robotnic: the inventions and problem solving capacity are multiplied by 4.
- Links gives the sword to Sora: so much death and devastation awaits this virus. And good spirited naivete.
- Link gives the sword to Gogeta: yeah…and let’s not forget that, when the four Gogetas revert back to Goku and Vegeta, that’s actually eight fighters now swarming the field. The virus is done. And probably so are all of your electronics. It’s almost too much power, but it’s better to take it all down then let the virus have it. Right?