Mewtwo is the best pokemon

Don’t listen to that heretic Shaun, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. In fact, he wouldn’t know a Clefairy from a Wigglytuff. He’s that clueless; and we ain’t talking about a movie with a hot blonde.

Metagross is not, in fact, the best Pokemon ever. Metagross isn’t even on the list of semi-best Pokemon ever; ugliest, maybe, but not best. That makes Shaun not only wrong, but a big fat liar. Fact: Metagross can’t fly. Don’t be fooled by Shaun’s honeyed words, there is only one, true, best Pokemon, and his name starts with a Mew and ends with a Two. That’s right, we talk’n bout Mewtwo here people… the most badass Pokemon of them all. Disagree? Well too bad, cause you’re wrong.

The origins of Mewtwo

For those of you who (somehow) don’t know, Mewtwo is a Pokemon who was created by man by genetically experimenting on DNA from the Pokemon Mew. While Mew is a little pink floating bundle of happiness, Mewtwo is a savage and ruthless killer and one of the most powerful Pokemon in the world, beaten only by a Pokemon that is, essentially, “God” and another that is technically a fusion of two legendary Pokemon into one. And let’s be honest here, that’s pretty much cheating. Mewtwo is an unstoppable psychic engine of destruction who has taken more than a few lives in his time on this Earth, while at the same time he’s also one of the most deep and interesting characters to have ever surfaced from the Pokemon (or dare I say any) franchise.

Now you might be thinking to yourself, “Jason, Pokemon is a video game for children. You can’t honestly have me believe that there is a Pokemon who runs around murdering people.” And you’d be right, Mewtwo doesn’t run around anywhere… he flies there. Then he starts murdering people. And no, I don’t mean murder in that pretend “people get hurt and never show back up again” cartoon way. I mean it in the “blow up and entire research facility filled with scientists and leave nothing but flaming debris” kinda way. And that was just the first 5 minutes of Mewtwo’s life! He was just getting started!

Mewtwo owns Metagross. And everything else.

Don’t be fooled by Shaun. Metagross isn’t fluent in any language even remotely close to the dialect of “pain” or “misery”. In fact, Metagross is too stupid to do anything but say his own name. Mewtwo, on the other hand, well he not only mastered the languages of pain and suffering before birth, but then refined them and expanded his palette to include torture and world domination. Mewtwo doesn’t just kill people — such lowly tactics are beneath him. He erases minds, re-arranges memories and engages in some world-class mind-f***ing by taking over people’s minds and turning them into thralls under his control. Oh I’m sorry, did you like your free will? Well too bad. Not on Mewtwo’s watch.

Did I also forget to mention that he can control the weather and knows how to breed a clone army of super-Pokemon? Cause he can do that too.

“Well jeez,” you may be thinking. “If he can do all that, what’s stopping him from ruling the world? It sounds like he’s got some world-class super villain-level powers.” And that’s the best part, he could take over the world. But that’s beneath him too. You see, Mewtwo’s learned to calm the rage within his heart and has taken up a life of solitude and contemplation, forever wandering the world in an attempt to discover what purpose his artificial life serves in the greater tapestry of the universe. Where once Mewtwo was an unstoppable force of death and destruction, he is now a noble wanderer and philosopher, using his vast intellect and powers to discover the meaning of life. A silent guardian who watches over mankind and travels only by moonlight…

What has Metagross done in his lifetime? Get captured by a kid and used to battle other children’s pets? Yeah, exactly. Nothing. Metagross is just some animal used by children as a weapon; Mewtwo is a weapon. A psychokinetic force the likes of which few can ever hope to even compete against. God forbid he ever turn his attention and rage back on to mankind, we’d have no hope of survival. Especially if Mew and Mewtwo both teamed up…

We’d be toast. No contest.

In Mewtwo we trust

Luckily for us though, Mewtwo has set aside his war-like ways and embraced a more noble code. Pokemon might be trained, bred (and in his case) made for combat, but that doesn’t stop Mewtwo from taking the high road and moving past all the senseless violence that permeates the world. Could he destroy a city in a matter of minutes? Yes, yes he could — and easily, too. But what would that accomplish? How would that benefit the world at large? Mewtwo isn’t just some animal to be trained and fought with, he is a person who has chosen to blaze his own trail through life. A person who was forged in suffering and betrayal, and rose from the ashes of his own weakness to become something greater than he once was.

We should count ourselves lucky that he didn’t stumble and fall like so many men have; otherwise we’d all be slaves to his iron-wrought will. Or worse, he’d have smote us from the Earth like we probably deserve, leaving nothing but blackened skulls and smoldering ruins as the only signs of what mankind once was…