Okay, so we all have friends who are either whiny hipsters or, even worse, elitists. They may not know it, but they are. How do you spot them? They’re that arrogant individual who turns their nose up at anything popular or mainstream, believing wholeheartedly that it couldn’t possibly be worth their time.

Case in point: Marvel’s The Avengers. These people couldn’t care less because they either think a) it’s stupid because it’s a superhero movie, b) it’s stupid because it’s popular, or c) it just “isn’t their speed.” Yes, there are obnoxious crowds, high ticket prices, or the unthinkable act of missing that Studio Ghibli retrospective at the local art house theater, but I (and/or those nearest and dear to you) still believe you should go!

Therefore, here are five very good reasons non-fans should see Marvel’s The Avengers in the movie theater as soon as possible.

5) It Has International Prestige!

I know you think saving your superhero chips for The Dark Knight Rises is a much better plan, as it was directed by Christopher Nolan and he made Memento. But The Avengers has been open overseas for just over a week and has already made nearly $300 million. Sure, it’s one of them over-the-top Hollywood films, but people around the globe are swooning — from France (Amélie, The Science of Sleep) to Mexico (Pan’s Labyrinth, Y Tu Mamá También).

These is the brakes, non-true believers: Comic books ain’t for kids anymore (and when you pretend they are, you just sound like an asshole).

4) Didn’t See the Others? Forgetaboutit!

Didn’t catch Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, or Captain America: The First Avenger? Don’t even really know what those are? Don’t worry, it isn’t necessary.

This is a comic book movie, so it can’t be too complicated for an advanced connoisseur of art like you, right? Y’all have cut your teeth on dense films with lots of talking, and you’ll find the script by writer/director Joss Whedon is pretty cool at catching you up to speed. And everyone involved tends to look their part. Who is the villain? Probably the guy with the giant horns. What is that cube thing everyone keeps talking about? I dunno, but it sure it powerful.

3) It’s Fun! And It’s Funny!

Remember that Joss Whedon guy I was talking about? Well he’s a pretty respected guy in the world of pop culture, having made the critical darlings Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog and this year’s Cabin in the Woods. Maybe you weren’t a fan of one or both of those, but he’s also been featured on NPR’s “This American Life”! Before podcasts were cool even!*

That Whedon fellow wrote the script for The Avengers, and he has done a damn fine job. There’s great banter that plays with the super hero archetypes we all know (and some of us love), and interesting underlying political and psychological themes fueling the clusterf*** of protagonists throughout the story. When the action does inevitably take over, all these characters have so much presence that it’s never boring. And this is coming from the guy who fell asleep in not-one-but-all-three Transformers movies.

 2) All The Sexy!

Let’s go back to why a good majority of people gravitate toward comic books in the first place: EVERYONE IS HOT! And while we can certainly debate the ramifications of comic book gender objectification, can’t we all just agree that we’d rather see Chris Evans in a skin-tight body suit than, say, Phillip Seymore Hoffman? Sexy is sexy, people, and I don’t know too many who can complain about Scarlett Johansson pouting her lips in black leather while beating up bad guys and spouting interesting dialogue.

And to top it off, this hotness is mostly proven talent from films you, the elitist/hipster, love! Johansson (who plays The Black Widow) is on all the magazines, and was in Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Lost in Translation. Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man) is that guy who played Charlie in Chaplin, and was also in Good Night, And Good Luck and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. And you’ll know Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye) from his Academy Award-nominated roles in The Town and The Hurt Locker. Samuel L. Jackson was in Pulp Fiction. Clark Gregg (Agent Coulson) is the writer/director of Choke, adapted from the Chuck Palahniuk novel. And Mark Ruffalo (The Hulk)? Well he was in You Can Count on Me, Zodiac, The Kids Are All Right, Sympathy For Delicious, The Brothers Bloom and We Don’t Live Here Anymore.

(Did I out art-house you there? Then I think my point has been made.)

 1) Something to Talk (and/or Complain) About

In point of fact, you come off as an alienating jerk-off when you start waxing on things you don’t even know about. And yeah, you could wait for DVD, but The Avengers ain’t gonna be exactly hopping bar/water cooler talk in 4-5 months. Hell, sometimes the only reason I care about sports is so I have something to say in certain crowds of people (cough*At The Buzzer staff*cough). So see it just so you have an opinion (which I know you’ll have anyway)! Even if you hate it, at least you come off as open-minded enough to qualify as a decent human being.

On the other hand, maybe you like it, and you actually expand your thinking a little bit. Maybe you even grow as a person, and discover a whole genre you never really considered. Wouldn’t that be weird? It’s possible, considering The Avengers is well-told, well-written, and a wholly comic book story with it’s heart dipped in spandex and super-powers.

And for the love of God, don’t pretend you saw it. An anecdote: A girl once argued with me for months that The Dark Knight “wasn’t that good” — until it was revealed that she hadn’t even seen it! She had to eat her words when she watched and discovered that it was pretty great. She and I have sex now.

An Epilogue

Now there will definitely be some people who just straight up don’t care about seeing The Avengers because they don’t really care about movies. Fighting with these people is like yelling at a dog because they are barking: nobody involved understands what the other is so upset about. They are a lost cause, and considering that oxygen is limited due to increased car fumes from people driving to see The Avengers, it is best not to waste your breath.

*Editor’s Note: As of this printing, podcasts are not really cool.